Debunking the Self-Motivation Myths

Today I sat down to do a little research about self-motivation. I knew I would run across a few websites on the subject and figured they would be a great place to start. Unfortunately, I learned there’s a lot of crap out there. My job, I quickly came to understand, was to come up with some real stuff that can help us light a fire under our proverbial hind-quarters.

Myth: Self-motivation > Life’s difficulties

• While self-motivation can help one overcome trying times and difficulties, I think probably a more important ingredient here is having half a brain. Maybe things suck right now because your brother-in-law talked you into sinking your savings into a “sure thing” investment scheme of composting and subsequent sales of pachyderm manure fertilizer. This caused several difficulties for you, the worse of which definitely was not finding the space to store all of that elephant poo while the composters did their thing for a couple of months. Tsk tsk (or tusk tusk, to stay on topic) you sure were motivated to make money, but that half a brain would have come in handy BEFORE you launched yourself into entrepreneurship of this type.
• Sometimes life’s difficulties lead to times of great sadness. I don’t know about you but I’ve had a few good sads and I don’t care how self-motivated I have the potential to be nothing could have changed those sads before I was good and ready to let a little happy in. But, then again, I am sort of stubborn sometimes.

Myth: Having a cause/dreaming big leads to self-motivation

• Nope. Not feeling this one either. There are a lot of things that are very important to me: my family, the environment, cooking and eating healthy. These are all “causes”, things to focus my attention on. But they don’t help me self-motivation-wise.
• And dreaming big, well that’s led to more wasted days spent daydreaming than I care to divulge in a medium that may well exist in time and space far longer than I will. I would hate to embarrass my great- great- great-grandkids.
• Actually, it feels to me like you need a fair amount of self-motivation to be able to have a cause or dream big in the first place. I think they’re putting the cart before the horse on this one.

Myth: Be hungry

• Ok. Yes. I get how figurative “hunger” could lead to a semblance of motivating oneself. As I am a very literal person, however, this piece of advice just motivated me to go raid the pantry and eat a whole bag of chips, thank you very much. I was trying to save those chips as a reward for finishing the assignment I’ve been searching for motivation to start!
• And now I feel fat, so I’m going to need even more motivation to go hit the treadmill. Oy.

Myth: Self-confidence leads to self-motivation

• Hmmm. I see a connection here, a common theme, with the whole “self” thing. But that’s about where it ends for me. Screeching halt. Yes.
• Self-confidence surely can make you believe that the ideas you have are worth trying out. Which might lead to you writing those ideas down, in detail.  It could also lead to you sharing your ideas with friends and neighbors, maybe even business associates. However, your self-confidence may also have led you to believe that pachyderm composted waste is the next eco-friendly product of the year. This would certainly lead to you taking a major hit in both the self-confidence AND the self-motivation realms of your psyche. I believe this is not a good idea. At all.

De. Bunked.

Ok, so I know what you’re thinking “Ok brainiac. If all those other guys are wrong about self-motivation how do you think we get it?” And now you’re also thinking, “How does she do that?? Get out of my HEAD you pushy broad!” All of which is completely beside the point and has once again distracted me from my task at hand… momentarily.

My favorite Zen quotation is this: “Seek not to follow in the footsteps of the masters; seek what they sought.” Ah, I love a good, randomly inserted, quote. However I am actually trying to make a point here, too. Self-motivation is just what it sounds like: motivation that comes from inside you. As such, I have no bloomin’ idea what motivates you because your motivation is yours alone. And anyone who tries to sell you on how to get you some self-motivation is a shyster and should not be taken as any type of guru. I will gladly accept the cash you might want to shovel into that other guy’s pocket. Really, I don’t mind!

There are ways you can help build self-motivation into your life and the things you do, though. Or at least I’ve found this to be true. Here’s a short list:

1. Make what’s important to you a priority. I like to help people, so nursing is a really great career for me. Maybe you absolutely LOVE the smell of grease and the feel of cold metal in your hands. Perhaps mechanics is your bag. Whatever, though, if you build your life and the things you do around what is most important to you, deep down as a person, self-motivation won’t be much of an issue. Unless, of course, what’s important to you is proving that composted pachyderm poo is the very best fertilizer on the face of our green earth. If that’s the case then this may be a point where you’ll want to do some reprioritizing there Skippy.
2. Have fun, dammit. Nothing in life should constantly cause unrelieved and unrelievable stress. How are you supposed to stay motivated in those circumstances? I’m not talking about things that are beyond your control, I’m talking about the choices you make. They should be fun! They should be good for your soul! They should make you laugh madly and wildly and make all your friends wonder what the hell you’re on and where they can get them some’athat!
3. Be easy on yourself (because life probably won’t be). If you failed at least you had some fun doing it, if you were smart enough to heed suggestion #2, anyway. And failure just shows you where the hell you shouldn’t go again. Ever. Like those people who marry the same person twice? WTF? If it didn’t work the first time what makes you think it will a second? That’s just insanity if you ask me.
4. Take baby steps. And in this instance again I, Ms. Literal Thinker, feel I must warn you: Do not try actual baby steps. Adults who walk like babies generally fall frequently and the incidence of head injury and “Muhammed Ali speech syndrome” may increase exponentially*. The baby steps I am referring to are the kind wherein you break your task down into small parts. Small enough for a baby to step over? Yes. You’ve got the picture.

Self-motivation? In four easy steps? Sure why not? I mean the 10-Minute Workout was all the rage a few years ago, why can’t self-motivation be attained in four steps? Americans sure are a fickle bunch, jeez. However, if you still don’t feel like four steps is enough, go here and you’ll get eight! Yes, two for the price of one! You lucky, lucky reader. And if you’re still not motivated after that, well, I don’t know what to tell ya. I guess you’re screwed.

*While writing this sentence, my brain wouldn’t go anywhere else but “may increase existentially”. While I absolutely knew that increasing something existentially is not at all what I wanted for the sentence that concept is STUCK in my head now! Look for another post SOON on increasing existentially. Oh, and, in case you’re wondering, no, it will not be a post about male enhancement drugs. Thanks.
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This Cape, This Point of Power

 

The place where local meets global.

This cape is the point where waters flowing down from mountain tributaries merge with the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Water carries with it bits and memories of every element it washed against as it moved into larger and larger bodies. These elements swirl and mingle together and become the history of the water.

Here, at this cape, is the moment those bits and memories collide with the combined histories contained in the whole wide and undulating ocean.

The place where thought expands.

The first time thoughts are presented with similar yet spatially different ideas, the potential for sparks to fly is nearly overwhelming. Measuring ideas against others, though, is an exercise in learning, intimidating though it might be. And there is great power in this learning and great power, too, in the measuring. And as always, wherever great power exists, there coexists a possibility of crushing fear.

What if these thoughts and ideas, flowing along a lifetime, are faulty, or smallish, or wrong?

Here then, at this point, the measuring and learning become the force and focus to the flow of thoughts from this place onward. There are no limits here. The shores on either side of this expanse are so far off as to seem limitless. Even in the mind’s eye. Boundaries are now gone, and so, this is the very time to measure and to learn, and maybe to expand or replace the old with updated, adapted or adopted thought.

The place where contained meets boundless.

Ideas held within a tight space do not grow. They are still, perhaps stagnant. They are as the silt washing slowly, slowly with the water. They may change slightly, but not enough to warrant notice or comment.

And suddenly, here, these ideas, these thoughts and theories experience a sudden state of boundlessness. Unencumbered they judge what they were against what they might be, what could possibly be. There are sounds of rushing, swirling, and mixing; all unregulated mayhem in these waters. What was once a slow and steady movement now becomes a crashing into, unpatterned flows.

Here again is that power. The dual energies of creation and destruction are here, side by side. They are meant for this place because movement and change is accepted here. It is expected that, here, small becomes large, bound becomes free, yin becomes yang.

The place where gentle waves wash ashore meets crashing waves pounding the sand.

This yin: the gentle washing of waters from the mouth of the bay. This yang: the ocean waters pushed along by the moon and the wind and the weather. This place where opposite energies kiss and collapse into each other’s edges.

It is true that yin cannot exist without yang. It is true that stillness could not exist without movement and change. One simply does not exist without the other. And life is filled with the contrasting colors of opposites. It must be so.

There is a time for slow restful movement. It is the time for incremental gathering together. There is also a time for pushing and crashing ideas. A time to toss out, sweep back, for tumbling together of bits and memories. Each has its place, each serves its purpose, and each edges against the other.

The place of change.

The place where these two energies collide is the place of change. The point of power.  Change either requires a great deal of energy or releases it. At either extreme, there is a great exchange occurring at every moment.

And exchange is the stuff of life. Exchange is a most amazing concept: it conjures thoughts, love, genetic materials. It speaks of life and death, labor and birth. Change is, in its most basic sense, the intensity of life.

A place to claim change.

Does this cape claim you? At the level of your soul? Does it call you? Move you? Require you?

This place of change and intensity is a demanding master. It may require your presence, but it requires your presence at your very deepest and best self. Strength is necessary to stand anchored in the flux and crashing. Balance is required to keep your head straight and aligned with your heart and the root of your being. Courage and poise are demanded, which can only have been forged by right experience.

Is this your place? The demands are great, the stakes are the highest. The rewards, however, are as expansive and boundless as the very waters of the ocean.

Note: I meditate, sporadically, but I do meditate. Some of my most powerful experiences have been meditating with the point of Cape Henlopen as my focus. I know this is a huge stretch from what you usually read in this blog, but it's been so long since I posted anything I figured, meh, whatever. It's different, but then again, so am I. I hope you enjoyed this change of pace :)

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A Life In Flux

FLUX n

Definiton: state of constant change

Synonyms: alteration, change, flow, fluctuation, fluidity, instability, modification, motion, mutability, mutation, transition, unrest

A general sense of change clings to me, more often than not, and for the most part I'm good with that. For example, I've been doing this "project" at work since last March and I've moved offices three times in that short period. Maybe I smell? Or me talking to myself annoys people? Maybe not. I choose to believe I have a happy little vibe that whispers "Spppssst... this chick here? Change keeps her on her toes, keeps her fresh and moving and vital."

I pretty much have a go with the flow attitude about life, especially this little  stuff. I mean, I can work from almost anywhere. This constant shifting and packing of pens, files, and a really cool caricature? It's actually taught me a few things about myself:

1. I prefer company while I work, but not a lot of distraction.
   • I work with four women in one office, but it's a big space and, except for the odd gesticulation, we're fairly quiet little worker ants. I adore my office mates.
   • When I work in an office by myself, it's difficult to keep my focus and priorities straight. If I spend more than a few seconds (which I obviously just did since I'm typing this epiphany) thinking about it, that makes sense: one who adapts well to change and mutability can easily grow toward scattered and spacey if in the wrong environs.
     
2. Flexibility is a wonderful thing, but I prefer mental to physical.
   • I was a cheerleader in high school: pom poms, short skirt, saddle shoes, the works... and during those years I would have given my megaphone to have a decent split or super-high kick. Alas that was not to be my strength. Today though, I'm glad. I feel like if life had given me those things, I wouldn't have the same mental flexibility that I enjoy today. In a karmic kind of way. Sort of.
   • I really, really enjoy being able to think my way around a problem or situation. I'm not the most intelligent person, in the IQ sense of the word, but I'm pretty damn clever with the off the wall, "Hey! This might just work..." kind of ideas. I sort of like that about me, if I do say so myself. (blech. puke. I hate when I get that way; all full of myself and crap.)
3. Having this flexibility, in my job, is usually seen as a good thing.

• Maybe not as good as having the strength and flexibility of a good pole dancer, but it rates. Or I'll keep telling myself that since I have neither the body nor moves of a good (or even late morning shift) pole dancer.
• The only time flexibility is looked down upon is when the person I've just shown up gets a little bent out of shape because of it. "Bent out of shape," by the way, originated from Old English and was used to describe the contortions of one's lips when irritated or embarrassedly pissed.

So, yes, FLUX.

It's a good word. It has character. It contains one of the rarely used, and 8 whopping Scrabble point, letters in the English alphabet. It is short, concise, and to the point. It replaces words like mutability and transition, which is very important if you're writing a blog post and only have a certain amount of space to work wi


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Holiday Slacker Syndrome

This time of year brings out the best in every one, right? We all magically feel the need to share the holiday cheer with everyone we know, sometimes even those we don’t…. We bake, we wrap, we brighten our homes with colorful lights and usher in the holiday mood with a tree and the scents of Christmastime.

That is, except for those of us diagnosed as Holiday Slackers. I am aware of this syndrome because I suffer in the debilitating throes of Slackery. Syndrome? Yes. Holiday Slacker Syndrome, to be exact. HSS for short, and YES, it really is a disease. It’s not been assigned an ICD-9 code yet, solely because the entire medical coding world is soon to be set upside down with the new and improved ICD-10 code set. HSS is not set to hit the list of approved and debilitating syndromes until ICD-10 debuts sometime in 2011.

Oh, also, in case you are wondering, the ICD-9 code set has been in use since 1979. That’s a whopping 31 years, folks. However, the switch from ICD-9 to ICD-10 is probably NOT the subject of a future blog post here because let’s face it, medical coding is not a very exciting or enticing subject. But I digress.

Unfortunately, WebMD only lists diagnoses that are ICD-9 coded. So, since you can’t search WebMD for the symptoms, diagnosis or treatment for HSS, I will lay them out for you here. I am, as you have discovered, nice like that :)

Symptoms of Holiday Slacker Syndrome:

• patient is visibly deficient in holiday wrap, baked goods, and evergreen trappings of the season (the very elements of "Christmas Cheer")
• exhibits shuddering and/or groaning at the sounds of Christmas music in various commercial venues, including The WalMart, The Mall, The Grocery store, etc. (palpitations and seizures may or may not follow)
• eggnog induces vomiting (I don't think this one requires a parenthetical explanation, but I like consistency)
• Christmas light sensitivity (causing headache and occasionally nausea)
• scents including balsam, pine needle, gingerbread, etc. cause sneezing and/or asthma-like symptoms (that's no fun)

Correlated symptoms: chronic signs of procrastination, online shopping, and uncontrollable giggling at the sound of “Bah Humbug.”

Diagnosis of Holiday Slacker Syndrome: Diagnosis of HSS, like Fibromyalgia, is based on observational data. If you have two or more of the above symptoms, or at least one symptom and one of the correlated symptoms, you may be a sufferer of HSS. Because HSS can afflict its sufferers in a wide variety of combinations, diagnosis is usually made based on a patient's answers to a series of questions. At a preliminary visit to your primary doctor, he or she will ask a series of questions intended to ferret out your particular expression of HSS symptomology. This series of questions, named The Feisty Survey for its designer, takes approximately 25 minutes to complete.

Treatment of Holiday Slacker Syndrome: Although this is considered a MEDICAL diagnosis, the treatment of HSS more closely resembles that of treatment for phobias. That is, behavioral therapy has been determined to be the most effective treatment for HSS. Based on the results of your Feisty Survey your doctor will develop a gradual behavioral plan to ease you into enjoyment of the sights, sounds, and scents of “Christmas Cheer.”

Following are some of the basic treatment elements most sufferers are prescribed at some point during their treatment:

• Santa Tracker (this is used to help suffers understand that truly the end to their annual suffering is near)
• People of WalMart (helpful as a means to cause excitement for shopping and therefore enabling marking off several items from the Christmas list)
• Christmas Elf Name Generator (most results are entertainingly silly and linking laughter with Christmas helps increase good feelings toward Holiday related activities).

Finally, I personally have used the following link to help boost my Holiday Spirits: Have a Cup of Christmas Cheer! Be forewarned, especially those who are severe sufferers of HSS: Imbibing too much Christmas Cheer can have a paradoxical effect; it may well turn your Bah Humbug into a Bah Hangover. In that case, you’ll need to start your treatment plan from the beginning. And who’s got time for that? It’s Christmastime people!

P.S. There is one thing, and one thing only, that will ALWAYS put me in the mood for Christmas:

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Little Feisty One’s Tips for the Gentleman Online Dater:

Disclaimer: The following comments are based on real people’s lives and profiles as online daters. If you are or have been an online dater and you recognize yourself in any of the following: how embarrassing… 

Sorry, that didn’t come out quite like I intended, let’s try this instead: these comments are meant to do no harm. And also, PLEASE read on and learn something. Jeez!

There are various and sundry faux pas I have found in the introduction of men’s profiles. I’ve run across such a number of real doozies that I figured it’s the best place to start. So, here we go:

• When writing your introduction, please avoid phrases like “no drama”, “honest and decent”, or “lonely guy” … Basically, you’re advertising that the last love of your life cheated and you’re definitely not over it.
• Even worse? Here’s a romantic little ditty I found: “Ready to Settle”… Wait, what?! You want some wonderful woman to message you and say, “Hey baby, I’m the one for you. I’m the one I hope you’re willing to SETTLE for! I mean, WOW.  I think probably that’s not what the dude really intended, but at the very least he should check out Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style for a little writing help.
• And last, but certainly not least, if the best you have to say to set yourself apart is “I’m a good guy”, maybe go out and get a few hobbies before you start looking for someone to “complete” you? Just a suggestion. But seriously… Your life should really be complete on its own, don’t you think? I mean, if that’s what you’re looking for, don’t come bitchin’ to me when you discover that the woman who “completes” you is mostly looking for someone to complete her bank account.

Choose a profile picture that really exemplifies who you are, but PLEASE keep your shirt on. I’ve seen just too many profiles with shirtless men. Believe you me, even if you have a six pack to shame Arnie Schwarzenegger, it still doesn’t belong in my face like that:

• I will assume you are a shallow man who spends more time in front of a mirror in one morning than I will all month.
• I’ll make a similar snap judgment that you’ve pumped up your ego right along with those abs.
• If you’re really that hot, I’d rather discover that gem of information face to face. Because, hey I’m not shy about admitting my own hypocrisy and I’ll certainly admit that sometimes all I want is a sexy, testosterone soaked lunk of a man to rub up against.

Please use correct punctuation, capitalization, and throw in a little spell-check for good measure. You may be the kindest, sweetest, most perfectly suited man for me, but if you write like a third grader I’ll mark you with a giant red X. An online profile is no place to measure real intelligence, but following those long-agreed upon rules of English writing is at least a decent start.

Ummm, if you have fetishy interests, you might want to look for a “special” dating site for just those interests…. Hey man, to each his own and all that, but I really don’t need to know that you “like to explore both your dominant and submissive sides through role play.” Oh. Yes. That’s a real dater’s profile on your average online dating site. I’m not a master web searcher, but it only took me 0.46 seconds to find a list of 11,600 sites just for this person. Bottom line, though? Trolling on a “normal” online dating site is just plain inefficient and I’m all about efficient. So let me put it to you this way: if you’re out doing your marketing for the week, you’re not going to the butcher shop for hummus, right?

When writing the blurb that describes you, what you like and what you want in a romantic partner please don’t include things like “I like to take quiet walks on the beach” and “I like candlelit dinners” or anything similarly meant to pique everywoman’s interest. Come on. Are you for real? If I wanted to date a woman, I’d be batting for the other team in the first place! I want a real man. I want someone who gets dirty, watches the ball game, and can carry the heavy stuff when I just don’t feel like struggling with it. And there’s another thing: what happens a few months from now, after you’ve convinced Ms. Wonderful that you love these things and that’s how she plans to spend every single solitary shared moment? You’re going to keep fake liking this stuff? C’mon! No. We both know what’s coming: you’ll revert back to spending your time doing the things you actually like doing, which quite possibly is more like watching Nascar and playing “Pull My Finger”. Do you and everyone else a favor and make your profile real and genuine.  That is, unless it involves whips and ball gags. In that case, refer back to Tip #4. Please and Thank You.

P.S. While researching #4 above, I accidentally ran across a Feet Lickers fetish site…. I really wish I could unsee that, and unimagine the pictures that popped into my head :(